The trips to Target have always been dangerous for me. I would get lost in the electronics aisle, looking at the latest video games, movies and albums. It was rare that my wallet escaped unharmed, and I have more than 1,000 DVDs, CDs and video games to prove it. I once went to Target to purchase a storage bin and two hours later left with a Playstation and three games … and forgot the storage bin.
I have since escaped that addiction. I guess having the responsibility of feeding, clothing and housing my three sons was my cure. But I think I have taken that clothing responsibility too far as a new Target danger has emerged: the baby clothes aisle.
I never thought this would happen to me. I hate shopping for clothes. My wife Carla has picked out all my work/church outfits, and most of my other business casual clothes were given to me as gifts. If it isn’t a T-shirt, I likely didn’t buy it.
I evaded the baby clothes danger with my first two sons. Sure, I thought the funny slogans and teddy bears were cute, but I always let Carla “ohh” and “ahh” and select baby outfits. I figured it was a right due to women, who likely dressed up their dolls as little girls. As adults, they can now dress up their babies.
But for some reason, our third son Matthew has hooked me into baby clothes. He’s just so darn cute in them. Over his first nine months, I’ve been lured into purchasing several outfits. Most match his father’s rock star wanna-be personality. He has an AC/DC onesie, a long-sleeve shirt that says “Daddy’s Rock Star” and a onesie featuring the outfit of a leather-clad heavy metal rocker with room for his head to pop out. Hey, my son rocks, and I salute him.
When he’s not sporting the rock attire, he has an outfit for every occasion. On St. Patrick’s Day he wore a shirt that says “Irish You Would Kiss Me.” He showed his patriotism on Independence Day by wearing an “All-American Baby” onesie. We even dressed him for his first family reunion with a shirt that says, “Hi! I’m New Here.” I can’t wait for him to wear his skeleton with a pumpkin heart outfit on Halloween.
This addiction is so bad it travels with me. On a recent business trip to New York, I had to stop at every stand or shop offering cheesy tourist baby clothes, finally settling on a “NYPD” onesie. I figure he’ll keep the family safe. I spent $20 at U.S. Cellular Field in Chicago buying an overpriced White Sox onesie, because my wife is a Cubs fan and I’m trying to raise our boys right. A trip to Austin to attend a family wedding resulted in an “Austin is Weird” onesie — the town’s unofficial slogan.
I was told that Target is already stocking their shelves with Christmas ware. I’ll definitely be heading out to the store soon to get him his Santa outfit. And maybe I’ll pick up that storage bin too.
Joe Dennis 