Taking a Look at the Costs of Health Care for the Homeless

A True Accounting: Taking a Look at the Costs of Health Care for the Homeless

by Joe Dennis
Originally published in Flagpole (cover story)  on Feb. 28, 2007

Athens hospitals – and in effect hospital consumers – spent more than $12 million in 2005 providing care to area homeless people.

“A lot of people don’t realize the serious homeless problem we have in Athens,” says Evan Mills, community development specialist with the Athens-Clarke County Department of Human and Economic Development. “The economic costs of homelessness are very high, and when it comes to health care, the hospitals have to make up that cost somewhere. The expense trickles down to those who pay for their hospital care.” Mills, who conducts the county’s annual homeless census, got the idea for a study of those costs based on similar studies done in Asheville, NC and San Francisco, CA. He collected 891 Social Security numbers obtained from area homeless providers – such as the Athens Area Homeless Shelter, the Salvation Army and the Homeless Day Service Center – and submitted them to Athens Regional Medical Center (ARMC) and St. Mary’s Health Care System to compare with their service records for the year 2005. What Mills found over the three-month study shocked him: 576 area homeless people accounted for 7,000 total hospital visits. Including emergency room, inpatient and outpatient services, and ambulance rides, the total cost absorbed by hospitals in providing care to homeless patients was $12.38 million.

According to the study, repeat visits account for a large part of the hospital bill, with 234 homeless individuals visiting the hospital more than eight times during the year for a cost of $4.2 million, or approximately $19,950 per individual. The preferred entry point for homeless patients is the emergency room, with 4,687 ER visits during the year costing more than $3.23 million. Nearly half of the homeless individuals who visited one of the hospitals were also identified as clients who have been diagnosed as having a mental health and/ or addictive disorder by Advantage Behavioral Health Systems, a state-funded agency that provides mental health care services to the uninsured.

No Surprises

The high use of the hospital by homeless individuals with mental health or addictive disorders doesn’t surprise Laurie Wilburn, adult mental health services coordinator for the Athens office of Advantage.

“It’s really difficult if you’re sleeping out on the streets or living from shelter to shelter to consistently take your medications and manage your symptoms,” she says. “What happens is many of these people end up in a crisis and head to the emergency room.” Who pays the bill? The $12 million spent on homeless individuals is part of a combined $47.5 million the two Athens hospitals spent in uncompensated care in 2005. “A homeless person is no different than someone in the working poor who is getting paid minimum wage and has no insurance,” says John Drew, President and CEO of ARMC. “It becomes a cost that the hospital, and the doctor, has to absorb in its cost structure.” The expense is made up through higher costs for hospital procedures, personal care, equipment and supplies. Since most paying customers of the hospital have health insurance, these higher costs are billed to insurance companies who eventually pass on the additional expense to the consumer and employer providing the insurance. “It’s truly a hidden tax to those who are paying for private insurance,” Drew says. “In essence, everyone in this country is helping bear the load for the uninsured, and at nearly 50 million people, that number is increasingly growing.” For uninsured people, the emergency room has become the destination of choice for health care needs. Under federal law, emergency departments are required to provide lifesaving care to those who need it, regardless of their ability to pay. However, Drew says hospitals have traditionally provided much more than lifesaving care in the ER, taking care of all patients who walk through the doors. “It’s the charitable mission of the hospital,” he says.

It’s also the most expensive form of care. In a July 2006 letter to Judge Steve Jones, chairman of Partners for a Prosperous Athens, Drew and St. Mary’s President and CEO Thomas Fitz expressed concern about the increasing use of their emergency rooms. “At both of our hospitals we see excessive use of emergency services by patients who have no other access to health care,” they wrote.

While the hospitals provide care to all who walk through the doors, it’s up to hospital administrators to determine how to make up the expense of treating the uninsured. “We have to be around for tomorrow,” Drew says. “We can have small aberrations, but what we’re going through now is really stretching us to the limit. The system is in a bad need of an overhaul.” A cheaper alternative? The community has a number of places that offer some form of health services to the uninsured, such as Advantage, the Athens Neighborhood Health Center, the county Health Department, the Athens Nurses Clinic and Mercy Clinic. In their letter to Judge Jones, Drew and Fitz said such programs offer much-needed primary care that can be provided at significantly lower costs than in the hospital emergency room. However, Mills points out that those programs are grossly underfunded. “Our current delivery system doesn’t have the capacity and the resources to meet the needs of patients,” he says. “And when clinics aren’t open or can’t provide the care, people go to the emergency room.” In providing health care for the homeless, Mills says the solution lies in shelter-based care. One such program already in place is the Shelter-Plus Care program run by Advantage. Funded in part by a federal grant from the Department of Housing and Urban Development, the program is part of the Assertive Community Treatment (ACT) program run by Advantage (which was described in more detail in a Flagpole article of Nov. 8, 2006). Through the

program, homeless individuals are provided an apartment in the community. Advantage staff work closely with the individuals, monitoring the clients’ mental health and/ or substance abuse issues, and linking them to available resources in the community.

“Once you get into the program, you have to do one of three things: either find a job, volunteer in the community or complete your education,” says Michael Dock, residential services coordinator with Advantage. Although the client initially doesn’t have to pay for rent, as they earn income, 30 percent of it must go towards their housing costs. As the client proceeds through the program, social workers with Advantage continue to work with the client on everything from ensuring they take their medication to providing budgeting advice.

The program works because it provides the two aspects critical in treating the homeless: shelter and care. “Housing is not enough, and providing care is not enough,” Wilburn says. “People who have a mental illness or an addictive disease don’t have the ability to maintain housing, and a homeless person with a mental illness will definitely not be able to consistently care for themselves.” The Shelter-Plus Care program currently has 21 apartments in Athens and 28 in the greater Athens area. At an annual cost of $110,000, the program spends roughly $4,000 annually for each resident, or the cost of roughly six emergency room visits. “What can cost the hospital up to $500 a day runs about $30 with one of our clients,” Wilburn says. More importantly, as clients transition out of the Shelter-Plus Care program – with the average stay at between two and three years – they become self-sufficient, Dock points out.

Forward Thinking

An easy solution? Mills says programs like the Shelter-Plus Care program are examples of how forward thinking can help alleviate a long-term problem at a much cheaper cost. “The hospitals are spending more than $12 million to provide health care to the homeless,” he says. “We can eradicate homelessness with just half that amount.” Mills backs up his statement using the following logic: taking the estimated 475 homeless people in Athens according to the 2006 homeless count, and multiplying that by the Athens fair market rent of a one-bedroom apartment at $500 a month ($6,000 a year) results in a total cost of $2.85 million. That would leave more than $3 million for area health care clinics, job training programs, childcare programs and other homeless services.

Furthermore, Mills says this would put the person in a stable environment, and as they transition into work would convert them from being a strain on the system to being a contributing taxpayer. They would rely less – if at all – on charitable care as they begin to join the ranks of the insured.

Unfortunately, because that $12 million expense is money that doesn’t exist in one place – instead spread out through thousands of insured employees and employers – it’s not that simple to obtain that money. However, Mills hopes that future efforts by the city and local organizations – including the collaboration of Partners for a Prosperous Athens – will consider such sweeping solutions.

“We can really wrap our hands around the homeless problem in Athens,” Mills says, contrasting the relatively small homeless population of Athens to the large populations cities like Atlanta and Augusta. “We’ve got enough folks in Athens that care a lot about this issue. We just don’t have the resources we need. If we had the resources, we could really make a dent.”

 

2016 Oscar predictions

One conclusion can be made from the 2016 crop of Oscar nominees: 2014 was an incredible year for movies. The Oscar nominee class from last year featured several stellar films with unique filmmaking techniques (Boyhood, Birdman, The Grand Budapest Hotel), a behind-the-scenes look at American heroes (Selma, American Sniper), and inspirational stories that focused on previously untold aspects of the lives of internationally acclaimed geniuses (The Theory of Everything The Imitation Game). This year’s class — movies released in 2015 — is underwhelming. Almost all nominated movies last year could take the top Oscar from any of the nominees for best picture … well except for one.

Following is a short review of each movie, in order from the most deserving of an Oscar to least deserving of an Oscar.

the-revenant-2015.39576Perhaps better than any movie ever released, The Revenant showcases the innate human desire to survive. Leonardo DiCaprio beautifully plays the role of frontiersman Hugh Glass, who has to fight to grasp on to every piece of life that is left in him. DiCaprio excels at showing us not only the physical pain, but the mental anguish suffered by his character.  His performance is so powerful that at times we become so distraught at his pain that we want to check out of the movie, just like his character must have wanted to check out of life. But his incredible performance, and the beautiful imagery ordered by director Alejandro G. Inarritu, makes The Revenant by far the Best Picture of 2015.

I’ve always thought that the hardest acting gigs were ones in which the actor largely acted alone in the movie (like Tom Hanks in Castaway and Sandra Bullock in Gravity). It’s easy to be a good actor when surrounded by other good acting performances. In The Revenant, DiCaprio is mostly on screen alone, and furthermore has no dialogue throughout much of the movie (unlike the narration of Matt Damon in The Martian). Yet he still displays a powerful performance, well deserving of the Best Actor award. Furthermore, Inarritu has cemented himself as one of the greatest filmmakers of this generation with The Revenant, which is drastically different from his previous award-winner, Birdman. While Birdman made us laugh with its clever dialogue and filmmaking technique, The Revenant made us cry with its raw emotion and imagery so powerful we felt the chill. For the second year in a row, Inarritu deserves the Best Director award. And in 20 years, he’ll be collecting  his lifetime achievement award.

The last time I was uncontrollably crying in a movie was in 2004 Oscar winner Crash. (If you didn’t weep when the little girl jumped in front of a bullet to save her father, then check your heart, because it’s probably not beating.) That changed when I watched Room. The story has two equally inspiring chapters: the first shows us how a kidnapped mom tries to paint an imaginary world for her growing boy, and the second shows us how the pair adapt to a brand new world once they escape. Admittedly, I never read the book. But the movie is very good. It’s a shame Jacob Tremblay wasn’t nominated for supporting actor for playing the 5-year-old Jack, because his performance was the most memorable aspect of a terrific film.

I saved Brooklyn for last on my Oscar movie binge. I had no doubt it would be a goodbrooklyn movie, but the storyline wasn’t my style: an Irish woman in the 1950s who immigrates to Brooklyn and later goes back to Ireland must choose between the two lives. To my surprise, I really enjoyed the movie. It was carried by a phenomenal performance by Saoirse Roman, who plays the socially awkward Ellis who finds herself adapting to the American way. Her character is not all that charming, but Roman makes us like her, especially when she is faced with her own moral dilemma. She is deserving of the Best Actress award.

Movies are often based on real-life events. But turning the 2008 financial crisis into a movie would seem to be a difficult task. A story about bankers and investors? A comedy about the big shortsecond biggest financial collapse in the world economy? That’s exactly what The Big Short is, and it’s very successful at it. Based on the Michael Lewis book of the same name, the film tells a highly complicated story about the housing market, default credit swaps and credit ratings in a unique way — for instance Selena Gomez explaining the intricacies of synthetic collateralized debt obligations — that makes what could’ve been a boring movie highly entertaining. While the cast is strong, it’s the writing that makes The Big Short shine, and is why director and co-writer Adam McKay deserves the Writing-Adapted Screenplay award.

As a journalist, there was no movie I was more excited to see than Spotlight. But where The Big Short succeeded, Spotlight failed. I wasn’t expecting Spotlight to make light of the story of Boston Globe reporters uncovering the Catholic Church molestation scandal, but the movie came off as more of a documentary than an entertaining movie. It will take its spot right next to All the President’s Men as one of the best investigative journalism movies ever, but not as one of the best movies ever.

The Martian is the lone science fiction picture among the nominees. Matt Damon plays an astronaut stranded on Mars, and like every movie Matt Damon stars in, we root for him. The movie is very entertaining, with its depictions of Mars and space and the always lovable Matt Damon. For the time-committed, it’s not nearly as gut-wrenching as another movie that clocks in at more than 130 minutes — The Revenant. Entertaining? Yes.  Award-winning? No.

With Tom Hanks star power, Steven Spielberg at the helm and an age-old rivalry of America vs. Russia, Bridge of Spies was destined to succeed. The movie is just OK, at times really slow. While the action and dialogue were just OK, the imagery was the star of the movie. Seeing the Berlin Wall being erected, watching a U-2 pilot being shot down, viewing a captive release at Checkpoint Charlie was all fascinating … but I can get that on The History Channel. I was hoping for more.

For the life of me, I cannot understand how Mad Max: Fury Road was included on the nominee list. I love action movies. And I can even handle brutal action if it has a riveting storyline (The Hateful Eight, Django Unchained … come to think of it, any Quentin Tarantino movie). But Mad Max sucks. The storyline is too simple. The acting is over the top. And the violence is too much. This was actually one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, and the fact that Academy voters put this on the list over films like Straight Outta Compton, Chi-raq and The Hateful Eight just gives fuel to the argument that voters are prejudiced.

 

Breathe in, breathe out: meditate

The following was written as a Lenten Devotional for Oconee Street UMC on Feb. 16, 2016.

by Joe Dennis

Psalm 19:14: Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

When I was younger, writing poetry was a passion of mine. I would isolate myself in my room, and all my teenage angst, coupled with what I now know was depression, elicited hundreds of poems. Most of them fueled with words of anger and desolation. My emotions were my ammunition for my writing, and it was so easy to get in touch with them.

As I got into college and into adulthood, the focus of my writing became journalistic. As my depression became treated and my angst faded, it became difficult to tap into my emotions to provoke my writing. Even when I was able to find a quiet place, my ability to write poetry was stifled.

Now, with the pressures of work and family, and the constant connectivity to external distractions through my phone (and watch and tablet and computer and TV and radio), finding a quiet place has been difficult for me. It’s been something I’ve been longing to do, especially after hearing fellow church members discuss the power of meditation and prayer. I’ve tried. But even in those rare times I can isolate myself from distractions, my attempts at meditation often end up like this:

Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus on your breaths. Talk to God.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Hey God. It’s Joe. Oh shoot. Did I ever register Jackson for baseball? Wait Joe. Not now. Focus. Breathe in. Breathe Out. Back to you God. So … wait a second. Damn. I forgot to put the empty boxes in recycling. Shoot. Now that will have to wait for two weeks. Joe! Focus! OK.
Breathe in. Breathe out. It’s me again God. I’m trying to focus here. So anyway … Please help me focus. Hmm. Focus.
P-H-O-C-U-S. It’s weird that the Vietnamese dish “Pho” is pronounced “Fa.” It makes no sense. JOE! STOP IT!
Breathe in. Breathe out. This is stupid. I’m going to check on Jackson’s registration.

I cringed when Lisa said at last week’s Ash Wednesday service that we will have time to meditate and work on an activity. With my three kids with me, I knew this would not be successful. My biggest concern would be keeping Jaydon off his phone, keeping Jackson quiet to not distract others, and keeping Matthew from running around. I even contemplated leaving.

But then Maxine took the boys away to do a kid-focused project. So I went to the activity table and naturally gravitated toward the writing exercise. I made sure my phone was on silent, read the prompt, grabbed a pencil and notepad, and started to center myself. And for the first time in decades, I was able to tap deep into my emotions through my writing.

For the first time ever, I feel like I had a heartfelt conversation with God. And it felt incredible!

Prayer: God. I know you are there, waiting for me to get in touch with you. Help me clear all distractions and find the best way to get to you.

Bye-bye Grady, from a student, staffer and teacher

After 11 years, two months and 16 days, I said goodbye to the Grady College of Journalism and Mass Communication at The University of Georgia.

It was a bittersweet farewell. Sweet, because I am starting a new path on my professional career that allows me to focus on what I love most: teaching. Bitter, because Grady is where my new professional aspirations took root, and because the halls of Grady are filled with some of the most influential people in my life. I was perhaps the only person in history to have the fortune of simultaneously fulfilling three roles at Grady: full-time staff member, student and teacher. Each role allowed me a different viewpoint of Grady. And combining all those viewpoints showed me that Grady is truly a special place.

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The highly functional, dysfunctional family. From left, Dean Charles Davis, Cecil Bentley, Diane Murray, Stephanie Moreno, Karen Andrews, Joe Dennis, Sarah Freeman, Ryan Cary, Clare Wall and Hannah Bause.

Joe: The staff member

The Grady College has been an incredible place to work. In the past decade, I can’t think of one person that willingly left Grady for a lateral move somewhere else. And it’s certainly not because Grady pays well. It’s the people. The term family is often used lightly to describe cultural environments, but at Grady, there truly is a sense of family. If you’re willing to invest in the Grady family, the Grady family will invest back in you.

Of course, within the Grady family tree there are several smaller families. I was fortunate to work with the external relations team. We were a highly-functional, dysfunctional family. We all had such unique personalities and jobs that often didn’t relate to each other, but we were always there for each other: definitely in work, but also in life. And when we all got in the same room, fireworks happened — sometimes bad, but usually good. My years at Grady will likely be the only time in my life I looked forward to staff meetings.

For most of my years, Cecil Bentley served as our team leader and supervisor. Always level-headed, Cecil was the calming voice when tempers flared, the voice of encouragement when egos were hurt, and the voice of silence when one needed just to vent. Forward focus. Positive attitude. And a wicked move to the basket (though he rarely makes the shot).

With a strong institutional knowledge and a strong grasp of reality, Diane Murray is the devil’s advocate. Diane has a passion for Grady that many share, but this passion is balanced with a healthy dose of common sense. This can be quite frustrating when you’re aiming for the moon, only for Diane to tell you that you have no rocket ship. But in the end, you know she is just keeping it real.

Karen Andrews is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever worked with. Whether it’s a $150/plate gala or a picnic for high school students, Karen knows how to make every person feel special. Seemingly always smiling and a laugh that echoes throughout the building, Karen embodies the “Southern Hospitality” mentality I heard so much about when I moved South. Don’t get me wrong, Karen is human and has another side, but you’ll have to get real close to her to see it. I consider myself lucky that my “sister-from-another-mister” felt comfortable enough with me to show me that side.

The four of us were the mainstays of the external team for several years, through some lean budget times. But when we finally had the opportunity to grow, Sarah Freeman was brought on board. The ultimate professional, Sarah somehow maintains her professionalism while navigating the rocky waters of the external team, dishing out ideas and compliments when needed. She is definitely the sane member of the family. But just when you’re about to feel sorry for her, she unloads a joke that cracks everyone up. And you remember, she’s one of us.

Stephanie Moreno joined the team next. Sweet, sweet Stephanie — one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. A journalist at heart, her passion for learning is evident in her work. I’ve never met another professional who continuously seeks criticism for her work. She was the baby of the family (in age and newness) for about a year, and perhaps because of this, or more likely because of her sweetness, made a concerted effort to get to know every member of the team.

Ryan Carty took the rattle from Stephanie, and certain members of the family consistently rattled their new little brother (sorry, Ryan!). But it’s his passion for Grady and incredible work ethic that define him, even if he gets a little star-struck by Ryan Cameron and forgets to take back my parking tag from the radio star. When the door locks are activated and the hallway lights shut off, Ryan is still in the building, planning new opportunities for our students.

The most recent member of the family is Clare Wall. Knowing I was leaving, I vowed on the first day I met her not to get to know her, but you can’t escape family. And dammit, I like her too. Although new to the team, Clare is not afraid to bring out the snark that has so defined our family.

There have been multiple interns that have come and gone, but Hannah Bause seemingly worked full-time during the Centennial months and became a de facto family member. Please be warned Hannah, our staff meetings are not typical. Don’t crack jokes while your boss is talking.

Speaking of boss, the functional dysfunction is certainly top-down, starting with the “My Dean is cooler than your Dean” Charles Davis. He lives and breathes Grady, and his passion is infectious. And his relaxed nature creates an environment for creativity to thrive, and maybe a little mischief to occur.

That’s my dysfunctional Grady family. But when we all get together, it works. For instance, last April in a torrential downpour after a highly successful farm party to kick off the Centennial, it was this team that went literally ankle-deep in the mud to load six cars with various items ranging from kegs to centerpieces. We were all angry, cranky, smelly and disgusting. But instead of bowing out leaving the job to another person, we stuck with it, together. Because that’s what families do.

Joe: The student

As a student, both at the master’s and doctoral level, so many faculty members have enriched and inspired me.

I had the fortune — or misfortune — of taking two theory courses with Dr. Jay Hamilton. Although I blame his courses for the doubling of my vision prescription (three course-packs … seriously?), it was his classes that showed me how to take control of my brain and grasp complex ideas.

Dr. Joe Dominick taught statistics to a group of numbers-challenged students, including myself, kicking off the semester by making us repeat the phrase: “Numbers are our friends.”

Dr. Lou Benjamin and later Dean Dr. Cully Clark showed me how to critically study, appreciate and recognize the importance of history.

Dr. Carolina Acosta-Alzuru taught me how to parlay my interviewing and reporting skills into critical and cultural analysis … even though I still don’t understand telenovelas.

Dr. Kent Middleton stoked my fascination in law and government and how it applies to the media, while helping me understand a second language: legalese.

Dr. Leara Rhodes helped me understand other cultures and how mass communication plays different roles around the world.

The late Professor Conrad Fink lifted the layer of journalism that was always foreign to me — the business side — teaching me the fundamentals of the industry, and also how to read an annual report to investors.

Picking up where Fink left off, Dr. Keith Herndon uncovered the incredible potential for journalism’s future in an age of digital and social media.

Mark Johnson taught me the critical role visual plays in journalistic storytelling, and he also stoked my interest in all things Apple.

And just when I felt confident in my journalistic writing abilities, Professor Pat Thomas taught me that there is always room for improvement, and reinforced in me the importance of using journalism to positively impact social change.

The danger in any list is leaving off people. For a complete list of every faculty member who influenced me, visit http://grady.uga.edu/directory/show2/category/all_grady_faculty/

Yes, that’s the directory of ALL Grady faculty. Whether in a class, a conversation or a presentation, every single Grady faculty member has shaped who I am. They taught me to think critically, the importance of research, how to teach and of course, a lot about mass communication.

Joe: The teacher

I’m lucky to have had the opportunity to teach at Grady, home to the best students on campus (literally … check the GPAs). I never thought I would feel pride in the accomplishments of someone who is not a family member or friend, but over the years, several students have proved otherwise.

I’m in a unique position at Grady, because I meet many students when they are in high school, and get to see them through graduation. Also, as adviser of UGAzine, I’ve worked with some of the “best of the best” at Grady. Finally, as director of GSPA, I’ve worked with many students at our annual events. Nothing impacts me more than when a student offers words of appreciation long after graduation, or seeks you out for a visit or cup of coffee when in town.

Thanks for reinforcing in me my desire to teach, and for making me feel special.

I started to make a list, but then kept realizing I forgot someone. You know who you are …

 

Chapter 6: I failed

I failed.

As much as people tell me, “Don’t look at it as a failure,” it is what it is. A failure.

The past six months there have been five aspects of my life: family, dissertation, work, church and personal — typically in that order. But the dissertation affected every aspect. I missed many Saturday “family days.” I neglected work emails and phone calls. I shrugged my church responsibilities. And personal time? Forget it. The dissertation followed me everywhere I went. I wrote while on the bleachers during my son’s baseball game. I spent a trip to visit my mom in Chicago locked up in a bedroom to write. I wrote during work. I wrote in church. I wrote in doctor’s offices.

My family sacrificed immensely, not only in my wife going without her husband and my sons going without their father for months, but also financially. I spent north of $1,000 paying for recording and transcription services, token gifts for my participants, and of course the open coffee tab at Starbucks, my official writing headquarters. I  bought my $750 doctoral graduation gown and planned a flight for my mom to watch me achieve the highest academic accomplishment in my field. And on Oct. 15, it was all worth it. I was done.

Only one step was left — the defense. It was supposed to be a mere formality. I know dozens of Ph.Ds, many of them who came through my program. Every single one of them breezed through the defense. Perhaps a revision now and then, but nothing to delay graduation. Failing a dissertation defense is almost unheard of — just google “failed dissertation defense.” At the point of the defense, the dissertation has been well-read and vetted by the committee. Any major issues should’ve long been addressed.

So I walked into the defense confident and proud. I couldn’t wait for that moment when I would be dismissed from the room so the committee can deliberate, and be invited back to the room to hear my major professor say, “Congratulations Dr. Dennis.”

But that didn’t happen. The form the committee must sign has three options: approve, approve with revisions, and disapprove. My dissertation wasn’t “approved.”  It wasn’t even “approved with revisions.” Perhaps not to completely crush my psyche, the committee didn’t “disapprove” either. The form disappeared. And I was told there were “serious concerns” about my study. My methodology was flawed. My research questions were misguided. My results were unreliable. “Don’t look at this as a failure,” I was told.

Countless family members, colleagues and friends knew I was defending on that day. And when I’m forced to tell them what happened, they all echo the same sentiment: “This isn’t a failure.”

But I did fail. All the missed family time, all the neglected work duties, all the shrugging of church responsibilities, all the money spent, all the neglecting of personal gratification was all supposed to lead to the graduation stage on Dec. 18. But it won’t. And it’s not because some tragic life event happened or because I gave up along the way — it’s because I failed.

To say I didn’t fail ignores the hard work I put into this, and the sacrifices my loved ones made to support me. After months of work with hundreds of pages of notes and text, I didn’t submit my dissertation for defense so the committee could debate whether I was going down the right path. I submitted it so they could approve it, and I could finally complete this chapter in my life that began in 2008 and has withstood the birth of my two youngest children, fires that destroyed my parent’s home and my church, the death of my father, a sickness that nearly killed my wife, and a myriad of personal health problems. The chapter was supposed to have a happy conclusion, with me finally graduating in 2015.

Now that chapter will have to be rewritten, much like my dissertation.

Because I failed.